


Jane Squared

by Melpomene21



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, Mass Effect Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-05 09:11:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 17,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melpomene21/pseuds/Melpomene21
Summary: Mass Effect Kink Meme:  I can't remember the prompt.  Something for Clone Shep joining the crew.Clone Shep joins the crew of the Normandy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I posted a few things on the Mass Effect Kink Meme a few years ago. Posting them here so that I can (a) find them and (b) finish them, if possible.

“We’ll have to come up with another name for you.”

Her clone narrowed her eyes at her and frowned. “Why?”

Jane took a sip of her drink and crossed her legs a different way. If she was going to make a habit of having lunch down here with her clone prisoner, she was going to have to requisition a table and chair. “Why? Because we both can’t be Jane Shepard.”

“I understand that. But why is it that I have to change my name?”

“Oh, for shit’s sake. Because you’re the cl-,” Jane stopped herself before uttering the word. The word that she knew her clone hated and despised. “Twin,” she corrected.

“Again…” The clone set her jaw in a look that Jane knew was primed to argue.

As it was with several other things, like the way her eyes sometimes looked crossed and the way she walked, not to mention, lord god please don’t mention the way she sounded, Jane wondered once again if this was what she looked like when she was totally not listening to someone and had utterly made up her mind about something.

“Look,” Jane started, vowing to herself to take a stab at diplomacy. “This whole thing here is never going to work if we can’t at least agree that I’m the…first and you’re the twin.” Jane swung her half-eaten sandwich in the air a bit for emphasis as she spoke. “You can still have your jealous little sister thing, but you can’t have my name. I’m sorry But…I’m the oldest.”

The clone eyed Shepard angrily and the pair continued to eat their meal in silence. Jane, for her part, was not going to budge. She may be known for her accommodating ways, like letting her psycho, Cerberus-built, look-a-like live and stay with her (although still under lock and key for the moment), but this was where she was drawing the line. There were lines and here was one of them. She. Was. Not. Giving. Up. Her. Name.

“Fine,” the clone finally huffed as she threw her crumpled napkin through the bars separating the two. “What’ll it be?”

“What’ll what be?” Jane asked around a mouthful of sandwich.

“My name,” she fumed, folding her arms across her chest. “I assume you have something in mind other than clone or twin.”

Jane swallowed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “You want me to name you?”

“Who else? I don’t want to name myself. That’s not how it’s supposed to work.”

“I don’t think anything is supposed to work like this situation here between us.”

“Whatever, get over it.” The clone shrugged. “What’s it going to be?” She stared expectantly at Shepard. “You’ve got nothing. Am I right? You came down here to take my name away from me and didn’t have anything in mind for a trade?”

“It’s not a trade and that’s not entirely true,” Jane stammered because it was the complete truth. She hadn’t given any thought to an alternative. She just knew that Jane was taken. “I just wasn’t sure if you would want my opinion. I assumed you would be too angry to listen to reason.”

“Speaking from experience there, Jane?”

Jane narrowed her eyes at her. “How about Cruella?”

“I’d rather not anything that ended in an ‘a’,” the clone replied seriously. “And maybe something with just one syllable so that our names sound good together when you say them. Like…”

“Sisters?” Jane’s face softened a bit and she tilted her head to the side. “You’ve given some thought to this, haven’t you?”

“Of course I have. I’m just surprised it’s taken you this long to bring it up.”

Not for the first time, Jane wondered at her decision to ‘keep’ the clone with her. She was, as she herself had stated, a more perfect Jane Shepard. One with the same keen mind but not weighed down with baggage and emotional ties. Would this doppelganger prove to be the better of her? The thought gave her real pause.

“Nevermind,” the clone interrupted the silence and Jane noticed a blush creeping up from her neck. “I just thought you might’ve… It’s no big deal, just give it some thought. Or not.”

Jane nodded her head at her. Her clone may not have three plus decades of emotional baggage, but she did have emotions. Just in the short time she had been aboard the Normandy she had ‘grown’ as a person. Yes, Jane had made her decision and now it was just a matter of seeing it through and like any other decision it would have its consequences both good and bad, expected and unexpected.

“No, you’re right,” Jane said softly. “It’s a big decision and I…probably should’ve thought about it. How about I think on it tonight and bring you some ideas tomorrow?”

“Alright. But don’t be surprised if I’ve figured it out on my own by then.”

Jane smiled as she stood up and readied herself to go. “I won’t be.”


	2. Chapter 2

“How about Caroline?”

The clone Shepard didn’t even flinch when Kasumi materialized out of thin air as soon as Jane Shepard had left her. “Do I seriously look like a Caroline?”

“No, you look like Jane but we’ve already established the problem with that,” Kasumi retorted. “Jill?”

“Jane and Jill? Too bad Jack is already taken,” the clone snorted derisively.

“Yeah, you’re right. Too trite. Kim?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t need a reason. It’s my name and that’s not it. Move on.”

“Alright,” Kasumi replied, settling herself comfortably on a shelf near the opening of the clone’s room. “Betsy?”

The clone pulled a face. “No.”

“What? Jane is a very traditional, earthbound name, it’s not like I can go through my family tree and find you something.”

“Fine, fine,” the clone replied, twirling her finger in the air in a gesture to continue. “Keep going.”

“Fran.”

“No.”

“Mary.”

“No.”

“Elizabeth?”

“No.”

“Beatrice.”

“Please.”

“Kate.”

“…”

“Kate?” Kasumi replied excitedly.

“Jane and Kate,” the clone said slowly as if trying the words out on her tongue.

“They sound like two sorority sisters, that’s for sure.”

“Kate Shepard, Alliance Military,” the clone stated firmly.

“Technically you’re not-”

The clone glared at her newfound friend, stopping her words in her throat.

“Nevermind,” muttered Kasumi. “So, Kate?”

“I don’t know,” the clone replied tentatively. “I’ll see what else she might come up with.”

“Okay, I’ll drop by later.”

“Alright. And thanks, Kasumi.”

“Anytime, Shep-two.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Soooo,” the clone drawled, lounging back in her large bunk. “I’m guessing you drew the short straw tonight?”

Garrus Vakarian walked tentatively into the room. It was still strange for him to talk to this double of Commander Shepard. She was so much like the original yet vastly different. His mathematical mind did not do well with such contradictions. Besides that, he still didn’t know what half of these human sayings meant.

“Straw?” He asked while stepping wholly into the room. “I didn’t have anything to drink, if that’s what you mean.”

The clone laughed, a sound Garrus had very rarely ever heard from the Jane Shepard he knew. Yes, very different. He found himself liking the sound of that laugh. He found himself liking a lot of what he experienced in his encounters with this science experiment replica. For one thing, she was a captive audience, literally. He got to spend more time with this Shepard, uninterrupted and undivided time then he had ever dreamed of with the real thing. Okay, maybe he had dreamed of it, but secretly, very secretly.

“Forget it. It’s another one of those human things,” the clone responded as if she knew Garrus, knew about his ignorance of all things earthly. As if they had spent years getting to know one another and this conversation was normal. “It isn’t even worth the time to explain.”

“Ah,” Garrus replied, his subharmonics squeaking just a little more than he’d like. Good thing this wasn’t the real Shepard, she would be asking him what was wrong and embarrassing the heck out of him as he stammered for a made-up excuse. Nothing about this was comfortable. He tried to remember why he had volunteered. “So,” he continued. “How’s it going?”

“What do you think of the name: Kate?”

“Um, Kate, sounds like a pretty nice name. Why? Who’s Kate?”

“Well, me…maybe. Your glorious superior officer has decided to strip me of the only name I’ve ever known and rename me like a pound puppy.”

Once again Garrus hesitated while his translators offered several different meanings for the words ‘pound’ and ‘puppy’ and finally what they meant when they were placed together in a sentence. “So,” Garrus steered his way around the majority of what the clone had just said and repeated, “Kate, huh?”

The clone shrugged, looking very much like the Shepard he knew. “I don’t know. It’s growing on me.”

Garrus didn’t think that it was. He walked over to lean against the wall, crossing his one leg in front of the other. “Names. Names can be…tricky. My parents were going to name me Osprey until my grandfather intervened.”

“Osprey?” The clone guffawed back, covering her mouth with her hand and doing that wonderful laughing thing again.

“Yeah,” Garrus replied, doing his best imitation of a human smile which was a flare of the mandibles and a slight parting of his ‘lips’. “Osprey Vakarian.”

“Osprey,” the clone repeated, looking Garrus up and down with mirth in her twinkling green eyes. “Actually, I think you could’ve pulled it off.”

“No doubt.”

“So, what did your grandfather say? You know? To intervene.”

“He argued that it was a horrible name to strap a young Turian with. From what I hear he was quite adamant and obviously convincing enough to sway my father. Not a small task in itself, believe me.”

“Sounds like a great guy. What was his name?”

“Osprey.”

She laughed again.


	4. Chapter 4

“How was lunch?”

“Weird.”

Liara stopped what she was doing and turned to look at Jane Shepard. “Really? And which part of dining with your genetically engineered twin sister who tried to kill you and take over your life would you describe as weird?”

Jane toed off each of her shoes in succession and flipped them onto the floor. Liara eyed the overturned shoes admonishingly, her fingers clenching into fists, but she said nothing. If living with Shepard had taught her anything, it was to not sweat the small stuff.

Jane fell back onto the bed exhaustively and draped an arm over her face. “She wants me to name her.”

“Name her?” Liara repeated. “What is she? A varren?”

Jane brought herself up onto her elbows so that she could sufficiently glare at Liara. “Weren’t you the one that told me I should have the ‘name’ conversation with her?”

Liara watched as Shepard began to wriggle out her clothes, tossing her shirt, pants and socks across the bed and floor haphazardly before crawling beneath the coverlet and affording the Asari with one tantalizing flash of her panty-covered azure.

Liara stood. “I did. But I assumed she would want to choose her own name. After all, she seems to be as stubborn as…”

Jane had propped herself up against the pillows and was scanning a datapad when she looked up and scowled, “Don’t even, T’Soni.”

“Right,” Liara replied, truly apologetic. She knew that ‘keeping’ her clone had been a hard decision for Jane and she tried her best to be supportive about it. Especially by not pointing out the fact that most of what Jane complained about her twin was a direct, true replica of the woman herself.

“So, I was thinking,” Jane continued. She was dressed only in her remaining underclothes. Most of her body was now covered by the bedsheets but her chest, covered only by a thin tank top was wonderfully exposed. Liara liked the way Jane’s pert nipples poked through the fabric. “After we drop Kasumi off, we should head straight to Sanctuary and check it out. I have a feeling something's going on there.”

Liara walked about the room scooping up Shepard’s discarded clothing and hanging them on the back of her chair. She then began to undress herself. “Yes, I agree. But going back to your original subject, have you thought of a name?”

Jane looked up from her datapad and her expression changed. As Liara shrugged her jacket off, Shepard’s eyes turned hungry. She stretched to the side, placing her datapad on the side table and crawled out from beneath the covers toward the end of the bed. “Here,” she said, coming up on her knees and tugging on Liara’s waistband. “Let me help you with that.”

It was late and Liara had already taken her shoes off. As she stepped out of her pants, Shepard flung them across the floor where they landed on the coffee table knocking a few empty glasses over and making a clatter. “Jane,” Liara scolded.

“You’ll get it later,” Jane argued as she unclasped the Asari’s brassiere and threw it behind her before tracing her tongue over Liara’s left nipple and squeezing her ass.

“Jane,” Liara breathed, tilting her head back and allowing the human to lave her breasts with her mouth and tongue. She pushed the fabric of Liara’s panties down her thighs until they fell to the floor and she stepped out of them. Jane’s lips traced a line down the Asari's stomach trailing light nips and kisses until she suddenly stopped.

Liara opened her eyes and looked down at Shepard. The woman was looking up at her with a thoughtful expression on her face. “What about Melissa?”

“I’m sorry what?” Liara replied, still dizzy from Jane’s ministrations.

“For the clone,” Jane explained, sitting back on her heels. “What do you think about Melissa?”

It never ceased to amaze Liara how utterly all over the place Jane Shepard could be. “Could we talk about this later, perhaps?” Liara asked softly, while she brought her knee up and placed it against Shepard’s thigh.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Jane purred while running her hand up the Asari’s naked thigh. “I thought the great and mighty Shadow Broker was the queen of multi-tasking.

“Oh, I am,” Liara replied breathily while she firmly pushed Shepard back onto the bed following along until her blue body covered Jane’s white. “But I want you, my dear Jane,” she said, leaning down to whisper against the shell of Shepard’s ear. “To be acutely single-minded.”

Jane responded with a sound that was a giggle mixed with a growl as she flipped the pair over until white was on top of blue. “I love it when you get all pushy with me,” Jane quipped as she pressed her lips against the Asari’s and thrust her tongue into her mouth.

Liara groaned with pleasure and ground her hips up against Shepard’s needily.

Shepard pulled away from the kiss and sat upright, straddling Liara’s naked body. She took her arms and crossed them over her stomach and then pulled her tank top up and over her head in one swift motion, throwing the item of clothing to the far side of the room. Immediately Liara’s cool, blue hands went to Shepard’s chest and kneaded at the soft flesh, running her thumbs over those pert nipples. Jane arched her back and enjoyed the attention for a long moment, casually grinding her hips against Liara’s pelvis seductively.

“Come here,” Liara demanded and Shepard fell obediently until her mouth was on Liara’s lips and they were kissing again. “What about Stacy?” Liara interjected between kisses.

“What?” Jane pulled back a little, leaning on her arms so that her face was hovering above Liara’s.

“For the clone,” Liara clarified. “I met someone named Stacy once. She was nice.”

“We’re not talking about this anymore.” Jane began to scoot her body down to the end of the bed. “And no Stacy. I knew a Stacy once and she wasn’t nice.”

Liara was about to argue or offer up another name, but Jane’s tongue ran up the length of her azure and the only thing that come out of her mouth was a sigh. The Asari’s legs spread almost of their own accord, opening herself up to Shepard’s very talented mouth. Jane lapped at Liara’s entrance and over her clit, oscillating between gentle even strokes and strong erratic thrashing. Liara’s hips tilted up toward Jane’s face and her channel clenched with need. “Jane, please.”

Almost immediately Liara felt the tip of Jane’s finger at her entrance and she moaned in pleasure as it slid in filling her up and dulling, if not totally relieving, the ache that had been building inside of her. Jane’s tongue was now solely focused on Liara’s clit now and she lapped at it rhythmically while two fingers now pistoned in and out of her.

“Oh, Goddess, Jane,” Liara cried, her hand fumbling clumsily to make contact with Shepard, finally landing on her head. The pull was irresistible, eclipsing all other thoughts. She shut her eyelids and then opened them with pitch black eyes. Shepard faltered only slightly, easily slipping into the meld and then quickly resuming her rhythm.

Liara focused on her lover’s mind, which at the very forefront was currently focused solely on pleasing her. But further back, in the comfortable crevices where she liked to stretch and fill herself into, there was the very essence that made Jane Shepard who she was. Liara moaned and ground her pussy against Jane’s face as she felt the familiar pull of her climax approaching. Jane quickened her pace and added a third finger, stretching Liara exquisitely. Liara’s thigh muscles began to convulse and she shook and smashed her legs around Jane’s head as she came. Jane continued her attentions as Liara rode the waves of her climax, feeling the wetness dripping out of her and down the crack of her ass.

When she was done she let her legs fall open and she shut her eyes as the meld began to slip away with the aftermath of her orgasm. Shepard removed her fingers and tongued and sucked at Liara’s entrance while the Asari sighed contentedly. Her eyes finally opened and they were a crystal clear blue. Jane kissed her way back up Liara’s body and nuzzled against her neck.

The melding always tired them both out a bit, but Liara was the first to speak. “Jane, darling,” she said, hitching her shoulder up and bouncing Jane’s head to see if she was still awake.

“Yes, sweetheart,” Jane replied drowsily, kissing Liara’s neck dreamily.

“I want to fuck you now.”

She could feel Jane smile against her neck before she planted a quick kiss there. “You say the sweetest things, Liara T’Soni.”


	5. Chapter 5

Jane got off the elevator the next morning and heard the crew talking before she rounded the corner.

“Oh, he’s down there all the time.”

“Well, it’s the next best thing, isn’t it?”

“It is a bit mesmerizing.”

Jane recognized that last voice as Ken Donnelly.

“Talking to her, isn’t?” Ken continued. “She’s all rapt attention and willing to listen.”

“Yeah, she’s never once said: I should go,” Gabby cut in and the room erupted with laughter.

“Still,” came the serious voice of Javik. “It is dangerous. And if the Turian is transferring his feelings to this…copy then we have another member of this team whose sanity might be in question.”

“Oh, haven’t you figured it out yet, Prothy?” James asked. “You’re the only sane member on this damn ship.”

“Which would make me insane to continue on here,” Javik quipped and the room broke into laughter once again.

Jane stood there for a moment before she rounded the corner and walked past them. The crew greeted her with a few good mornings and the crowd began to break up. Jane went straight passed the kitchen and headed for the main battery.

****

“What do you think?”

Garrus shrugged and kept his eyes focused on the piece of circuitry he had been working on. “Why ask me?”

Jane leaned her hip against his workbench so that she could study him more closely. “Well, you’ve been spending a lot of time with her,” she said looking up at him. “Not to mention that I value your input.”

The Turian sighed heavily and put the piece of equipment down. “You didn’t let her live to keep her in a cage. So the real question isn’t if but when.”

Jane bit her lip and nodded her head. “Yeah, I guess that’s about right.”

“So you’re asking me what? If I think she’s going to try to kill you if you let her out?”

“Well, yeah. That’d be nice to know.”

“What do you think she wants to do? Is she going to stay here? Be a part of your crew? Or are you going to let her loose in the universe wearing your face?”

“I don’t know. I guess I always assumed she would want to stay with…us.” Jane shrugged again. “I don’t know. I don’t know what she wants to do.”

Garrus turned to look directly at Shepard. “Have you ever thought of asking her?”

Jane eyed him steadily. “You like her, don’t you?”

Garrus froze for a fraction of a second and then turned back toward his workbench. “That’s not fair, Shepard.”

“What’s not fair?” Shepard asked. “That I worry about you?” She stopped, not sure if she should say what she wanted to say, but then she was never good at holding anything back, especially with him, so she said it. “She’s not me, Garrus.”

Garrus pressed his hands down against the surface of his workbench as if to steady himself. Jane watched him in silence. She loved the big guy, he had been with her since the beginning and he was her best friend. They had grown extremely close during the hunt for the Collectors and there was a sliver of time where she was sure that one word of encouragement from her would’ve catapulted their relationship into a different stratosphere. But she hadn’t. And he had stayed with her and they were still best friends, but that little ball of ‘what if’ sat awkwardly between them. They both knew that it was there, knew what it was, but both never talked about it.

“I know, Shepard,” Garrus finally said and the way that he said it seemed to end not only the subject but the conversation.

Jane stood there for a moment longer in the awkward silence and then she pushed herself away from the workbench and stood up straight. “Alright, then. I guess I’ll go grab a cup of coffee.”

“See you later, Shepard.”

“Later, Garrus.”


	6. Chapter 6

The clone paced back and forth in her large ‘room’. They had tried to accommodate her with all the necessary provisions to make her feel comfortable. But it was hard to forget about the bars keeping her locked in. She didn’t blame them. No, she totally understood. But she still just wanted desperately to be believed. She didn’t mean anyone any harm. She just wanted to live.

It was hard to explain. Just what was inside her mind, what her memories were. Most of them were fabrications, she knew. Like memorizing someone’s autobiography. But she had been gathering up her own thoughts, her own feelings and the more she did that the more she knew what it was that she wanted. She wanted Jane Shepard’s life, that had not changed. But her method of getting it did. She wanted what Shepard had. But she wanted to earn it on her own.

There are many things that define a person. The strongest memories are those that come back and shape you or haunt you, depending. Clone Shepard’s strongest memory was the feeling she had as she watched Shepard’s crew save her from falling off the Normandy and the subsequent feelings she experienced while she watched Hope Lilium (aka: Maya Brooks) lock eyes with her, struggling for survival and then watching her turn and walk away.

The clone wanted to surround herself with people that would never, ever do that to her again. She knew that she would have to give them reason. Reason to like her, to fight alongside of her, to trust her and finally to love her. It was sappy and kind of pitiful, but in the end she just wanted to love and to be loved. That was what made a person real. She wanted to be real.

“Good morning.”

The clone jumped at the sound of Jane’s voice. So busy, deep in her thoughts, she had not heard her twin approaching. “‘Morning,” she replied as she accepted the customary cup of coffee that her namesake had brought her.

“You okay? Looked like you were lost in thought.”

“I’m fine,” she replied, sipping at the hot beverage. “Just thinking.”

“Have you decided on a name?”

Clone Shepard looked at her ‘sister’. No, she hadn’t decided on a name. Nothing sounded right. And randomly picking something that ‘sounded’ good just wasn’t ringing true to her. She shook her head. “No, not yet.”

Jane Shepard stared at her for a long moment, she seemed to be thinking of something. She turned around a bit and looked around. Finally finding a large crate that she could manage on her own, she brought it over to sit near the clone on the other side of the security bars. “Well, I gave it a lot of thought last night,” she said as she sat down. And then with a far off look in her eyes, as if she were remembering something, she added, “And a little more this morning while I made our coffee.”

“And?” The clone asked, sitting down on her bunk and crossing her legs.

“Well, not to sound too corny, but: what do you want to do with your life?”

The clone stared at her, not sure how to answer. If Shepard thought her question was corny, then surely her answer would be even more so: 'I want to be loved! I want to live! I want to be like you!' No, she couldn't say any of that.

“I mean,” Shepard continued. “If or when I let you out. What do you plan to do? Do you want to leave? Where do you want to go?”

“I’d want to stay,” she blurted out. “If you’d have me.”

Jane smiled. “I would.”

“And I’d want to fight. Against the Reapers. Beside you.”

Shepard took a long sip of her coffee, keeping her eyes focused on her clone. “Good,” she finally said never letting the smile leave her face.

There was a pressure inside of the clone’s chest, something that swelled and felt all at once uncomfortable and glorious. Something that made her want to laugh and to cry. She blinked her eyes.

“Did you know…,” Jane began, looking a little timid and uncomfortable. It was a look that the clone had never seen on her before. “That I had a mother?” She continued. “I mean, I know everyone has a mother, but I actually knew mine – contrary to what my files say.”

The clone shook her head. This was what made the two of them different. The clone knew everything from Shepard’s files as if she had experienced it herself. But the ‘official’ story is very rarely the entire truth. Shepard knew all that had went wrong on even the missions that had ended incredibly right and vice versa. She had a depth about her that the clone would have to take years to gather and earn. If she was jealous of anything, it was this.

“Anyway,” Shepard said, clearing her throat awkwardly. “She had issues, drugs, I think and she probably wasn’t much of a mother as the classic version goes. But she was…beautiful, especially when she smiled. And there were times when her mind was clear and she would hug me and laugh and we would talk and play. I loved her and I would’ve stayed with her, taken the good and the bad. But…,” Shepard stopped and shook her head a bit as if trying to stop something.

The clone watched her, watched how her eyes sparkled with unshed tears and the pressure in her own chest swelled even more.

“But I wasn’t given a choice,” Shepard continued, her voice losing its softness and gaining its more familiar clip. Her expression hardened a bit. “Everyone has a place, a reason. And everyone has their good and their bad. I try to never throw anyone away. A life, its impact, it's…immeasurable.”

The clone studied Shepard for a little while, understanding her more than any of her fake, implanted memories ever could've explained. “That’s why you kept me.”

Shepard laughed a low, short laugh. “You, Legion, the Rachni Queen…”

“We’re all your mother,” the clone whispered.

Shepard bit her lip and the sparkles in her eyes turned to swelling tears. She blinked several times and looked up at the ceiling and laughed a bit. “I’ve never told anyone that.”

The clone was silent for a long while, they both were until she finally whispered, “Thank you.”

Shepard nodded her head and took a sip of her coffee while she seemed to compose herself. She then stood and leveled her gaze at the clone. “Her name was Abby,” she said. “It’s always had a special place in my heart. It’s yours if you want it.”

The clone swallowed and felt the tears well up in her own eyes and the pressure in her chest felt ready to burst. When she blinked two large drops fell down her cheeks. She stood, unable to look Shepard in the eye, she studied the floor. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Promise me you’ll do the name proud and tell me you’ll be a part of my crew.”

She looked up at Shepard. “I promise and I will.”

Shepard pressed a few buttons on her omnitool and the security bars flickered away. There was nothing in between them. Jane held her hand out. “Welcome aboard, Abby Shepard.”

“Thank you. Thank you for everything.”


	7. Chapter 7

Abby Shepard sat in her quarters for a long while after Jane had left. Of course her twin had offered to give her a tour of the Normandy but Abby had refused. First of all, she knew her way around the ship; it was part of her ‘memories’ so a tour was unnecessary. But really she was nervous. Up until this moment she had always been someone else’s project or ward. Now, with the endowment of her name, she was truly her own person. This freedom was more overwhelming than she had anticipated.

She wondered how everyone would treat her. Some of the ship’s crew had come by to visit with her. Many were one time visits, probably to satisfy curiosities. But others had been regulars, had become friends, Kasumi and Garrus most notably. There were a few, however, that hadn’t come to see her at all. Now roaming the hallways, Abby worried that she would encounter animosity that had been hidden from her by omission.

The newly minted Abby Shepard took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders. It was a small ship, if someone had a problem with her it would come out eventually. She couldn’t hide away forever. She stood and took a look at herself in the mirror.

“Today’s the first day of the rest of your life,” she said and then laughed and rolled her eyes at herself.

XOXO

When she stepped out of the elevator she ran right into Tali’zorah. Tali had been one of the crew members that had not visited Abby. Great. She groaned inwardly. Her first test.

“Oh, Shepard,” Tali said. “I thought you were just…”

Tali was pointing toward the elevator and although Abby could not see the expression on the Quarian’s face, she knew that she was confused. She was confusing her with Jane.

Abby stuck out her hand. “Abby Shepard. It’s nice to meet you Tali’zorah vas Normandy.”

“Oh,” Tali said, shaking Abby’s hand with little enthusiasm. “I hadn’t heard that… I mean…”

“That’s okay. I just got out.”

“It’s incredible,” Tali replied. “You look just like her.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot,” Abby rejoined.

“And you have her sense of humor, too, I see.” The way Tali said it didn’t make it sound like such a good thing.

“So…”

“Yeah, so,” Tali drew the words out. “How well do we know each other? I mean, do you…”

“I know,” Abby started but then stopped herself. She was going to say that she knew that they had met on the Citadel and that she had saved her from an ambush in an alleyway from Fist’s gangs. But she hadn’t done that. Those were Jane’s memories. So she said instead, “I know that you met Jane Shepard during her hunt for Saren and that you were an instrumental part of the team that brought down Sovereign on the Normandy SR1.” She decided to stop with that. It probably wasn’t a good idea to remind Tali that they had shot at each other during the fight in the Archives.

“Yeah, but do you know everything? Like…can you recall a conversation we had, say…while I might’ve been intoxicated?”

Abby narrowed her eyes at the Quarian and tilted her head to the side. “It doesn't quite work that way. My memories could only be built with data that was either common knowledge or procured illegally via hacking of Alliance sealed records. Or through hidden surveillance equipment.”

"So that means..."

"No, I have no memory of any drunken conversations involving or discussing you."

Tali appeared to visibly relax. “Okay, good.” She squared her shoulders and shook Abby’s hand again, this time with a little more enthusiasm. “It’s nice to meet you, Abby Shepard.” The Quarian looked at her for a moment longer and then added, “You should really try to do something different with your hair or your…face. The way you look… Well, just like... You know? It’s creepy.”

Tali turned and continued walking in the direction that she had originally been headed. Abby watched her and then touched her fingers to her face and to her hair.


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as Jane Shepard entered her quarters she knew that something was wrong. More specifically, she knew that she was in trouble. It was a sixth sense that had often saved her on the battlefield, it had been developed on the streets from a young age and honed into a life-saving skill throughout her military career. But as she set her datapad down and shrugged her jacket off, casually glancing at the pacing Asari in the next room, she knew that no deflection or dodge was going to save her now.

“So, let me get this straight,” Liara started without so much as a hello. “You free your clone to walk around the ship, something that I thought we were going to discuss and decide together. Fine,” she said, stopping her pacing for one moment to glare at Shepard and visually indicate with her facial expression that it was far from anything resembling ‘fine’. “But then,” she continued and began to pace again. “Then, you give her a name. Again. Fine.” And again, the look she gave Shepard was anything but fine. “But, oh no, wait, it’s not just any name. Not any name that you and I had discussed anyway. But the name of your mother? A mother that I didn’t even know existed. That I had to be told about, like a fool, by your clone.”

“Liara-”

“No, don’t,” Liara cut her off. “This is just like you. You are guarded and reserved with anything close to resembling deep feelings-”

“That’s not fair-”

“Clamming up whenever I want to discuss anything serious. But you open up in drunken binges with Garrus or Tali. And now-”

“I can never surprise you!” Jane interrupted. “Every time I tell you something I think is revealing, you tell me that you already knew!”

“Locations of people. The identity of my own father,” Liara counted off on her fingers. “Those are things that I already know. This,” she stopped and put her hand to her mouth, turning her face away from Jane. “This was something personal,” she whispered. “About you and I had to find out…”

Jane drew in a deep breath. She knew that she wasn’t the most touchy, feely person in the universe but she wasn’t a complete ice queen, either. The whole of Liara’s allegations were a little unfair, but on this one point, Jane conceded, the Asari might have a reason to be upset. “I should’ve told you, I know,” Jane said, walking up and approaching Liara who still had her back to her. “It wasn’t anything that I had planned. When I left this morning I was still leaning toward Melissa,” she joked but Liara did not seem to appreciate it.

Getting tired of staring at Liara’s back, Jane turned around and threw her arms in the air. “I mean, I didn’t…” She scratched her head. How did she get herself into these situations? Trying to explain, she began to outline her day and how the whole thing had just…happened. “I got off the elevator and heard the crew talking about her and then I went to talk to Garrus-”

“So, you discussed this with Garrus and not with me.”

“I didn’t-” Jane stopped and stared at Liara. “Is that what this is all about? You’re jealous of Garrus-”

“I am not jealous of Garrus-”

“I told you, he’s not… He’s…,” she stopped and ran her fingers through her hair and turned away, her thoughts going back to her recollections from this morning. She drew in another deep breath and let it out. “He’s my best friend,” she whispered, not knowing what else to say and not understanding why she had to apologize for that. This whole long-term relationship thing was new to her. For all she knew she was doing it all wrong. It wasn’t like any of her background or her training or even her goddamn sixth sense had prepared her for this. She just talked when she wanted to talk and she didn’t when she didn’t want to. Was that so wrong?

Liara came up behind Shepard and placed her hands on her shoulders. “I’m not jealous of Garrus,” she said. “At least not in that way.”

Jane turned around and met Liara’s gaze.

“There’s just,” the Asari said, her voice soft and thoughtful. “There’s just so little of you that doesn’t belong to your friends and your crew, to the Alliance and to the entire universe, for that matter.” Liara took her hand and trailed the backs of her fingers against Jane’s cheek. “Selfishly and perhaps unfairly, I would just like some special part of you all to myself.”

Jane took Liara’s hand into her own. “You’ve got that.”

“I know and I apologize for my tirade. It wasn’t fair. I was upset. Jane,” Liara stopped and softened her eyes, squeezing Jane’s hand with her own. “You have memories of your mother?”

Immediately Jane felt herself tense up. Liara had been right, she was a fairly closed book when it came to talking about these things. But she forced herself to relax and to answer, “They’re very vague, really, but yes.” She took a breath and swallowed. “Yes, I remember her.”

“And what happened? How did you end up on the streets? I had always assumed-”

Jane shut her eyes. Here, down this path were feelings and memories long-suppressed and it was a small and scared Jane Shepard that lived there. The recurring nightmares of the boy that she could not save were somehow entrenched and intertwined with the cold, blankness that lied deep within her, deep where the memories of her mother lay hidden. “They took me away,” she said, opening her eyes and then dropping Liara’s hand and turning away. “Against my will.” She remembered how she had felt so powerless then and how she had vowed never to feel that way again.

“Jane, do you think she could still-”

She spun around and pointed at Liara, stopping the Asari mid-thought and feeling a fire flare up in her that surprised her. “Don’t,” she said, nearly growling. “Don’t even think about trying to dig into this, T’Soni. This isn’t some archeological dig site for you to excavate. Some things are better off just staying where they are. Staying buried.”

Liara stared at her for a long moment, seemingly unperturbed by Jane’s outburst. “Can I ask why?” She finally said, taking a step towards her. “Seeing that you all but forced me to confront my own-”

“This is different and you know it. Aethyta was standing ten feet away from you. My mother-”

“Your mother could be looking for you, watching you from afar like-”

“Goddamnit, Liara, don’t,” Jane nearly screamed. “Just leave it,” she said, turning around and heading back out the door. “Just for fucking once please just leave it a-fucking-lone.”


	9. Chapter 9

“You know, Lola usually plays topless, I’m just saying.”

“And I give you an ‘A’ for effort, James. I’m just saying,” Abby replied sweetly and then put down two cards.

“Do you also know, as a matter of fact, that you can see the Commander naked anytime that you want to?”

Abby reached next to her and took Samantha’s drink away. “And I think you’ve had enough of that.”

“Right you are,” Samantha said over a hiccup. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“If we could all move on from discussing my nakedness, or lack thereof,” Abby replied. “I’d like to raise the bet.”

“Did your programming include Skyllian Five? Because the commander doesn’t usually win like this.”

“Is that why I was invited?”

“I tried to warn ‘em,” Ken offered as he folded his hand. “I’ve been down this road before with you. I mean her. I mean, you know, the other you.”

Abby rolled her eyes. Maybe she should grow her hair out and tattoo her name across her face.

“Shepard usually lets you guys win to build camaraderie and self-esteem,” Tali said authoritatively.

“That’s what she wants you to think,” said James leaning in like he was sharing a secret. “Like when the mission goes all out the window and all hell breaks loose but somehow it all turns out alright and then she says that she planned it that way.”

“Have you been to one of the Commander’s mission debriefs, Human?” Javik asked. “She does plan them that way.”

The entire room erupted in laughter.

Javik frowned and set aside three cards. “That was not meant to be a joke.”

“I think the Commander is a brilliant woman and it’s only her legend that will finally live up to the truly magnificent person that she is,” Steve supplied.

“Oh, yes. I wholeheartedly agree. I mean, it’s just a wicked bonus that she would look so totally hot naked.”

“Traynor!”

“Oh, sorry,” Sam said, covering her mouth. “I should drink some water and maybe eat something.”

Abby turned her attention back to the cards in her hand. She might’ve thought that having the entire night’s conversation centered on her twin sister would be or become annoying. But truth-be-told, she was thankful that the topic of Shepard was considered a safe zone for all of the crew and that she was welcomed into their banter. She had no doubt that had she not been there, although perhaps different, the conversation would’ve still been about Jane Shepard.

“You know,” Garrus said. “It would be interesting to determine just how much of your memories are implanted and how many are learned.” He moved the cards around in his hand and appeared to be speaking without thinking too much about what he said. “You know to establish a baseline and then measure your progress as you assimilate to your surroundings.”

“Sure, Garrus,” Abby replied. “Anytime you want to come by and calibrate me, you just say the word.”

Samantha Traynor spit out her water, Steve turned fifty shades of red, James laughed and slammed his huge hand down on the table several times while Garrus made a noise that sounded like a cat dying and Abby was sure that if Tali could shoot lasers from those glowing eyes of hers, she mostly certainly would’ve.

Abby looked down at her cards and easily shuffled them around a bit before laying them out on the table in front of her and saying, “Blitz. Pay up, losers.”


	10. Chapter 10

Running away from someone on a ship was stupid and pointless, Jane knew this. And storming out on Liara because she had asked a few logical questions was both immature and disrespectful. Liara deserved better and she, Jane Shepard, was better than that. Of course, all of these reasonable and mature conclusions didn’t occur to Jane until well after she had cursed and stormed out of her cabin.

“Real smooth, Shepard,” Jane murmured derisively. “Pathetic.”

She had made her rounds around the ship, finding anyone that was at their post and talking to them for a bit before ending the conversation with some new variant of ‘I should go’ because she vowed never, ever to say that ever again. And now she found herself with nowhere else to go but back to her room to face the music and one (probably) very angry Asari.

Jane stopped at the elevator and looked down toward the lounge. She knew most of her crew was in there playing cards and drinking. A part of her wanted to walk right down there and join them. The distraction would whittle the rest of the night away and she could stumble back into her quarters and pass out on the couch. She took a deep breath and blew it out. Telling herself that that was the old Jane. Liara had put up with those kinds of shenanigans enough during their budding relationship. She deserved better. She deserved someone who didn’t run away at the first sign of emotion.

There was a burst of laughter from down the hallway and Jane gave one last wistful look at the closed lounge door and then pushed the button on the elevator to take her to the top floor.

XOXO

The room was dark when she entered it and Jane walked quietly into the room and began to undress. From the light emanating off of the fish tank, she could see the curve of Liara’s body under the blankets on her side of the bed. She had a feeling that the Asari wasn’t sleeping, but she did nothing to break the silence. Once Jane was down to her customary tank top and underwear she just stood at the edge of the room and said nothing.

The covers moved as Liara turned over, lifting her head up to meet Shepard’s eyes. “Are you coming to bed?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Of course,” Liara said quietly, lifting the covers up and inviting Jane in.

Jane crawled into the space that Liara had offered and felt a warm hand graze her bicep.

“You’re freezing,” Liara hissed, pulling Shepard towards her and into a tight embrace.

Jane let her body press against the warmth of the Asari’s and allowed herself to be stroked and cuddled. This was something that she enjoyed immensely although she wouldn’t readily admit it. It reminded her of her early childhood, of her mother. In truth, she remembered very little about the woman, but there were things: illusive, intangible feelings that would bring forth this feeling of maternal love and safety. As Jane breathed in the strong scent that was Liara filling up her nostrils as she nuzzled against her neck, she knew that this, this being enveloped against a warm body with protective arms embracing her, this was one of the strongest.

Liara hadn’t said anything right away, at first busying herself with rubbing her hands along Jane’s back and warming her up. “You know,” she finally began. “When we’re together, there is a part of you that is locked away. It’s the reason, I believe now, that our initial melds regarding the Prothean beacon were so exhausting to me. Do you remember?”

“Yes.”

“I had never joined with anyone from your species before and I attributed it to human physiology. But, I have since learned that that is not the case.”

Jane said nothing. She often wondered just how much Liara “knew” from their joining. She understood from her own experience that the transfer of thoughts, feelings and memories was not usually a perfect video or dissertation of someone’s life experiences, memories or thoughts. Most of the exchange was vague at best, feelings of overall warmth and happiness or fear and sadness along with flashes of images, voices, and faces and never always delivered in the same way. That is, unless one of the parties was deliberating trying to share a certain part of their memories, as in when Jane was joining with Liara to share the Prothean beacon messages or when Shiara had joined with Shepard to share her gift of words.

But memories that were strongly imprinted, those of very happy or very distressful times, could be more thoroughly revealed and totally without the subject’s express permission or intent. Jane had experienced it herself with a very precise reenactment of her and Liara’s first meeting on Therum, something that Liara associated great feelings with. The memory had not been obscure or vague and had in fact, played more vividly than Shepard herself (who had been there) could recollect it. When Jane mentioned it, Liara had been surprised but only at Jane’s astonishment that that day held so much meaning to her.

“Are you awake?” Liara asked softly.

Jane realized that she had been lost in thought and tried quickly to remember if Liara was waiting for her to respond to something. “Yes,” she replied hesitantly.

“If you don’t want to talk, I understand.”

Jane pulled away a little so that she could see Liara’s face and how the light of the fish tank was sparkling against her watery eyes. “I’m sorry, Liara,” she said. “For storming out. For shutting you out. For everything.”

“No,” Liara said quickly, planting a kiss on Shepard’s mouth. “No apologies, just this.” The Asari pulled Shepard too her again and held her close.

“You shouldn’t let me off so easily, T’Soni,” Jane murmured against her shoulder. “You only encourage my bad behavior.”

“Fine,” Liara said, pulling back and facing Shepard again. “If you insist. Can I ask you one thing?”

Jane hesitated but then nodded.

“Did she hurt you, Shepard? Your mother?”

Jane smiled sadly and shook her head. “No,” she said simply. “No, she didn’t.”

“Good,” Liara smiled back and placed her hand on Shepard’s cheek. “I’m glad for that.”

“When we’re together. I’m not trying to block you out.”

“I know.”

Jane sighed. “Am I out of the doghouse, then?”

“Just barely. But, yes,” Liara whispered and leaned in for a kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

“What if you just connect _that_ to there?”

Garrus glanced over at the small human standing next to him and then back down at his schematic. “Yes, you _could_ do that.”

Abby narrowed her eyes at him, no he couldn’t see her but he just knew that she was. “But you’re not going to because…?” She asked with a teasing lilt to her voice.

She was smiling now, he was still looking down at his schematic but he could just _hear_ her smiling. He closed down his console and shut his workstation. “You know what?” He said. “Why don’t we take a break? We’ve been at it for a few hours now.”

“Oh, no you don’t, Vakarian,” Abby replied, poking at the power button and trying to get his console to come back to life. “So what? You can wait until I leave and then do what I just told you to do and then brag to Legion and EDI how _you_ shaved another percentage of the firing rate?”

“I would never-”

_“Actually, Officer Vakarian has-”_

“No one asked you, EDI,” Garrus interrupted and switched off all access to the Main Battery.

Abby leaned her hip against the workbench, crossed her arms in front of her and smiled.

“Don’t give me that look, Abby Shepard. I know what that looks means.”

“You should,” Abby replied. “It means that I’m on to you, Vakarian. And you’re as easy to read as a Dr. Seuss novel.”

“A doctor who?”

“Dr. Seuss. You know? The Cat in the Hat. Fox in Socks?”

“You’re just making stuff up now.”

Abby laughed. “Alright, Garrus. I’ll give you your point two percent. You can have it. Consider it a gift.”

“I don’t need your charity, Shepard. And I’m no lion in a fedora or a sex kitten in stockings.”

“A - what did you say?” Abby laughed. “Sex kitten in stockings?”

“Yeah,” Garrus replied, looking flustered. Abby could tell that he was scrolling back to make sure that he had heard and read his translation correctly.

“Is that seriously the translation they gave you for fox?”

“Uh, yes,” he said. “There it goes again. Sex kitten.”

“Hmm, that’s funny.” Abby placed her finger against her lips. “I wonder just how much between us is lost in translation, big guy.”

Garrus looked flustered again and began to tidy up his work area absentmindedly. Abby watched him and said nothing. Her feelings for Garrus were complicated to say the least. She definitely liked him, could see why he was one of Jane’s best friends. But she was also attracted to him and from all that she could tell, he was certainly attracted to her, which wouldn’t have been a problem if Abby could be certain that it was _her_ that Garrus was attracted to and not just as a convenient substitute for Jane.

These thoughts regarding Garrus and feelings and sexual attraction weren’t new, but they were certainly becoming more and more pervasive. Abby was thirty-something years-old and she was a virgin. Whatever developmental milestones and social mores were usually afforded to a growing human female, she had not experienced them. All she knew was that she had a body of a woman and those around her responded to her in that way and, at least most certainly around Garrus, she found her own body responding strongly in kind.

These thoughts scared her and there wasn’t much that scared Jane Shepard. No, she wasn’t Jane – she knew that, but she was a replica, a duplication and with that, that axiom held true. Or even if not scared, maybe unnerved would be a better word? Either way she wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. She could hardly envision herself as some timid first-timer, but then again, her sexual education was all purely academic. Losing her virginity to Garrus felt like the right thing to do, it felt safe. He cared for her, even if his feelings might be a bit misguided or misplaced. She knew that he would be tender with her and understanding in a way some random male off the streets would not be. 

Following this train of thought, Abby ventured a look at the tall, Turian in question, drinking him in from crests to talons and wondered, tender or no, just how it would work between the two of them anyway. 

“Well,” she said, pushing herself away from his workbench and folding her arms across her chest. “I’ll guess I’ll be going now.”

Garrus turned to look at her. “Yeah, okay,” he said, looking both disappointed and relieved. “Come by tomorrow?”

She smiled. “Count on it.”


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard had seen many things in her life but the universe was nothing if not consistent in its ability to surprise her. After dropping Kasumi off, the Normandy was en route to the Citadel for a few last minute repairs and supplies. Jane was making her normal rounds, checking in on everyone and chatting when she casually entered the medical bay.

Something was a foot, her interest piqued straight away by a strange smell. Not the normal antiseptic of the med bay, but a strong pungent odor Jane knew that she should recognize but had trouble placing. She stopped and stared at the tableau set out before her. Abby, wearing shorts and short sleeves, was sitting up on one of the tables with her legs out straight and Legion, standing at the end of the table, was doing something to her feet that looked a lot like painting her toe nails.

“What the fuck?”

Abby looked over to her twin with an innocent expression on her face. She waved her hands in the air a few times, giving Shepard a glimpse of the bright red paint on her fingertips. She shrugged her shoulders. “His hands are steady,” she said in way of explanation and turning back to examine her toes, she added, “he’s actually quite good.”

“Shepard Commander,” Legion greeted her, looking absolutely ridiculous holding a small brush in one hand and polish in the other. Obviously not thinking that the situation needed any further explanation, the Geth turned back to his task and continued to paint Abby’s toes.

Jane walked closer, staring at her feet, minus the dry skin, scars and calluses, of course. She had never done this and as the initial shock wore off, an all-consuming curiosity took over. “Is this what my feet would look like with my toes painted?” She asked.

“Hmph,” Abby laughed. “You’d need a little more than polish to get those things fit for sandals.”

“How would you know?”

“I’m just making an educated guess here. Am I wrong?”

Jane bit her lip but said nothing. Personal hygiene was a matter of, well, hygiene. Shepard had never seen the need to go much above the need not to itch and/or stink.

“Like I said,” Abby said smirking.

Jane’s curiosity then moved on to encompass the rest of Abby’s appearance, stopping midway up her torso. “Is that my shirt?”

Abby looked down at her chest and back up to Jane. “Yeah.”

“You went through my locker?”

“EDI said that she’s never seen you wear it.”

“That’s not the point,” Shepard responded and wondered that EDI hadn’t immediately chimed in to defend herself. “Still,” Jane said, “you could’ve asked.”

“Why? When in the entire time I’ve known you, you’ve only worn the one thing?”

“I…,” Jane stammered. “I could want to wear that…eventually.”

“Well, when that day comes, I’ll be sure it’s washed and laundered.”

“What if you ruin it?”

“It’s a shirt. You’ve got like a gazillion credits.”

“That’s not the point!”

“Well, then what is the point? Do you want me to walk around the ship wearing the same clothes as you as well as your face? You know I’m kinda trying to establish my own identify here.”

Jane sighed heavily and deflated a bit. “Fine,” she conceded. She looked down the length of Abby’s legs again and asked, “Where did you get shorts? I don’t own shorts.”

“Oh, one of the girls in engineering.”

“Shepard Commander,” Legion interjected.

“Yes, Legion?”

“Would this platform be a true representation of you in every way?”

Jane hesitated a bit and then answered, “Physically, yes, for the most part. Why?”

“We find this interesting,” Legion replied, turning his headlight back onto Abby’s legs and feet. “These lower extensions are not how we had envisioned them to appear.”

Shepard narrowed her eyes at the Geth and ignored the guffaw that came out of Abby. “Legion, are you trying to tell me that you imagined what my legs and feet would look like without my armor on?”

Legion stopped what he was doing and looked back up at Shepard. “It would appear so.”

“May I ask why?”

Legion gazed at her, his flaps flaring and collapsing. “No data available.”

“No data-” Jane put her hands on her hips. “I’m not buying that again.”

“Oh, leave him alone, sis. Isn’t enough that everyone is in love with you. Do they all really have to confess it?”

Jane glared at her twin, unbalanced by the implications of Legion’s confession and Abby’s comment. She didn’t even want to decipher their meanings any further. She brought her attention back up to Abby’s face. “You look different.”

“You noticed.”

“Are you wearing makeup? And, did you do something different with your hair?”

“Yes and I lightened it,” Abby said, running her fingers through the strands. “And I’m also thinking of growing it out.”

Jane stared at her for a moment. Seeing this mirror image of herself all dolled up and painted, she wondered at the different turns in her life and how they had shaped her and how Abby was going to get a chance to experience something different. How Abby was someone different. As much as she had known that already, it still came as a welcomed revelation. Just as Legion had found himself amongst the consensus, Abby would find independence among her crew.

“It looks good,” Jane finally said, and she meant it.


	13. Chapter 13

“Do you think everyone’s in love with me?”

“Good to see after everything, that your ego is still intact.”

Jane looked up at Liara and made a face.

“What? That was a serious question?”

Shepard looked back down at her feet. She was carefully trimming her toenails and was actually employing a file. “It was just something Abby said.”

Liara came up closer to Jane, scooting alongside of her so that she was leaning against the desk while Shepard sat in the office chair. “And what did the little viper say?”

“She wasn’t trying to hurt me.”

“She has your wit. You don’t always mean to hurt people, either.”

Jane stopped what she was doing and leaned back in the chair. “Touche.”

The Asari crossed her arms. “So what did she say?”

“Just that. That ‘everyone is in love with me’.”

“And this bothered you?”

Jane stood and began to pace. “Well, yeah.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean: why? Because unless you have a really liberal open bed policy, there’s gonna be a little bit of an issue on this ship.”

Liara smiled and stood. “It’s cute how you think there haven’t been any issues already. Besides, love is not just about sex, Shepard. Do you think Urdnot Wrex wants to sleep with you?”

Shepard frowned, then made a face that indicated that it wasn’t out of the realm of all possibilities and shrugged her shoulders meekly.

Liara returned her frown. “Okay,” she replied. “What about Joker or Dr. Chakwas?”

Jane shrugged again and feigned a hint of embarrassment.

“Really?” Liara didn't look amused. “Well then, how about Legion? EDI? Hackett? Kasumi? Should I even go on?”

Jane tried to stop a bubble of laughter climbing up her throat. She pointed at the extranet terminal and said, “I’m not crazy. You should see some of the things people write about on these free forums.”

Liara’s cool, blue hue flared violet. “I’m an information broker, Shepard, of course I’ve seen those things. That doesn’t mean that I believed them.”

“I’m just saying,” Shepard argued. “You didn’t see Legion’s…you didn’t see the way he was looking at me.”

“He can’t look at you, he doesn’t have eyes.”

“He has that light and those flaps and he keeps telling me that there’s ‘no data available’ when he’s nothing but data. What is that supposed to mean?”

“I think it means that it’s good we’re headed to the Citadel. It sounds like you could use some shore leave.”

“Yeah,” Jane replied absently and ran her fingers through her hair. “That’d be good, to…”

“Get away from everyone,” Liara clarified. “I was not suggesting a _Normandy_ orgy.”

“Right, good. Yes. That’s what I thought.”

Liara shook her head and went back to her terminal while Shepard continued to groom her toes.

The pair was quiet for a long while until Shepard suddenly snapped her fingers and said, “Anderson. Yes!” She repeated excitedly, pointing her nail file at Liara in triumph. “Anderson,” she said definitively. “Totally loves me. Absolutely no sex. No way.”

Jane went back to grooming her toes and there was a long pause before Liara replied, “Yes, we’ll go with that.”

Shepard stopped what she was doing and jerked her head in Liara’s direction. She could easily read the look on her lover’s face. Jane knew that she had never read anything about Anderson, but Liara was the Shadow Broker, if it was out there, she would know about it. “What?” Shepard asked. “No. Not Anderson? That’s just…just…oh my god.”

“Oh, Shepard. Don’t think about it. Do you know how many deranged beings there are in this universe? Just because someone thinks of something and writes it down, doesn’t make it true. And it certainly doesn’t mean it demands any of your time or attention.”

“Yeah,” Jane replied halfheartedly.

“Stay in your happy place, sweetheart,” Liara implored. “Total love. No sex. Don’t think about the other. Really. You don’t want to know.”

“Uh-hum,” Jane replied absentmindedly, all the while knowing full well what her next private extranet search was going to be…


	14. Chapter 14

“If I wanted to join the Alliance, do you think I would have to start off with Basic Training? I mean, would I get any credit at all for my…experience?”

“I don’t know. Is that something you want to do? Join the Alliance?”

“I don’t know,” Abby answered and she grew quiet.

Jane, Liara and Abby were walking to Jane’s apartment on the Citadel. Abby was walking a few paces ahead of the couple, while Jane and Liara walked side-by-side. Shepard slipped her hand inside of Liara’s and they continued on that way for awhile. Jane studied Abby as she walked in front of them.

It was strange. Her crew had always felt like family to her and some had even been easily categorized into familial terms. Grunt, for example, was like a son. Wrex and Garrus like brothers. Hackett and Anderson, fathers. And now Abby. She had often referred to her twin as a sister, but their true relationship felt more like mother and daughter.

Abby was navigating her way through her life, stretching her wings in her newfound freedom. Often she acted like a teenager and Shepard found herself in the unfamiliar territory of having to act like a responsible adult. Steering Grunt had been a vastly different affair. She had but to guide his unbridled enthusiasm in the right direction. Namely telling him who to shoot at and giving him plenty of targets.

With Abby, it was a little closer to home.

“I think I’m going to lose my virginity while we’re here.”

Jane stumbled a bit and shook her head. She was sure that she hadn’t heard that right. Dropping Liara’s hand and scratching her head, she asked, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Well, it’s not like I have much privacy on the ship and we’re losing daylight as far as the final push against the Reapers goes. So…”

“So, you’re just going to, what?”

Abby must not have liked Jane’s tone, because she stopped walking and turned to look at her. “What?”

“What do you mean: what?” Jane asked. “Most people don’t just put ‘losing my virginity’ on a to-do list for the day. How did you want me to react?”

“Most people aren’t ‘born’ thirty years old with tits and a libido,” Abby replied and Liara let out a soft groan. “I think we’re way beyond what ‘most people’ would’ve done.”

“Still,” Shepard stammered. “You just can’t. It’s not…”

“What?”

“Well, we’re on the Citadel for one thing. You can’t just take that body and do whatever you want with it. What you do reflects directly back on me.”

“I have a name. I’m a person. I get to have a life. I know that I have you to thank for that, but you don’t own me,” Abby said without malice. “If you expect me to die beside you then the only fair thing to do is to let me live, as well.”

“That was very eloquently put, Abby,” Liara whispered.

“Whose side are you on here?”

“I’m not on anyone’s side,” Liara replied calmly.

Jane scoffed, shaking her head and trying her best to absorb it all. “Alright, I guess. I mean, I see your point but…would you at least let me send someone with you? You’re a virgin in other respects, too. You know you just can’t waltz up to someone and tell them you want to lose your virginity with them.”

“Well, Shepard,” Liara interjected, “actually-”

“Not a perfect time for you to chime in here, Liara.”

“A chaperone?” Abby wailed, sounding perfectly like a virgin and nothing like a thirty-four year old.

“A really cool one, though,” Jane replied hastily. “I promise.”

Abby folded her arms. “Oh, really. Who?”

Jane racked her brains through all the contacts that she knew of on the Citadel. Some were immediately disqualified, like Aria T’Loak or James. But one kept coming persistently to mind. Jane smiled a huge, wide grin at Abby and said, “Jack.”


	15. Chapter 15

Shepard was exhausted by the time they reached Anderson’s apartment. Trying to mentally prepare for the conversation she needed to have with Jack had taken its toll on her and she just wanted to climb right into the hot tub and drink an entire bottle of wine. But all thoughts of relaxation and inebriation were obliterated as soon as the apartment door opened.

“What. The. Fuck,” Shepard seethed through gritted teeth. She was looking at her apartment but not seeing anything she recognized. There was clothes and empty bottles and discarded food everywhere and the place smelled like the inside of a dumpster. No less than five Krogan could be seen passed out on the sofa, the floor and even one on top of her piano.

“Shepard,” Liara warned. “Try not to-”

“GRUNNNNNTTTT!” She screamed as she stormed into the living room and began to turn up the lights and open the shades.

“Overreact,” Liara finished quietly.

“This is totally classic,” Abby said beaming. “Looks like I could’ve lost my virginity here last night.”

“Not the time for jokes, Abby,” Jane shot over her shoulder.

“GRUNNNNNNTTTTT!” Jane yelled again, aiming her voice in an upward direction.

Lumps of blankets and masses of Krogan began to move around and, well, grunt as Shepard’s apartment began to come to life with the dazed, unwakefullness of hung-over beings.

“Shepaaaarrrd?” A rough, familiar voice came from up the stairs and slowly, the trudging, disheveled form of Grunt came into view to the trio of newcomers downstairs.

“Grunt,” Shepard seethed. “Get your little ass down here so I can kick it across the Citadel.”

“Shepard, what’re you doing here?”

“It’s my apartment, Grunt. I get to ask that question. Not you.”

Grunt came lumbering down the stairs, scratching parts of his body that were best left to scratch in private. Shepard seemed unperturbed, too angry to worry about propriety. Liara appeared to be teetering between disgust and amusement while Abby looked like she could use a bag of popcorn and a drink.

“Besides,” Shepard continued as Grunt walked up to her. “I gave you access to this apartment for your emergency use. Not as a frat house.”

“It was an emergency, Shepard,” Grunt explained. “We got kicked out of our hotel room.”

“I wonder why.”

“Humans,” Grunt snorted. “Your way too uptight.”

“About what?”

“Everything.”

Shepard shook her head in exasperation. “Look, Grunt, you need to get all of your friends out of here, you got it? And I want this placed cleaned up from floor to ceiling. And go back to Tuchunka if humans are too uptight. When on the Citadel, do as the humans do or don’t do at all.”

Grunt snorted and began to look around the apartment. Shepard seemed to take that as agreement.

“Alright,” she said. “Now, Liara and I are going out. I expect to come back to find my apartment the way I left it.”

Another snort and another scratch.

“Grunt.”

The Krogan stopped fidgeting and looked at her.

“Behave yourself,” Jane said, maintaining eye contact as she spoke. “I’m not going to be on the Citadel long and I don’t want to have to worry about you.”

Grunt’s chest swelled up. “I am Krogan-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, just behave yourself, okay?”

“Okay, Shepard,” he replied and then looking over to Abby he asked, “What is _she_ doing here?”

Jane glanced back at Abby. “We’re taking care of some minor details regarding her identity. Basically straightening everything out so that everyone knows she isn’t me.”

Grunt took a step forward and inhaled. “Tank bred like me. Different than you in every way. Anyone can tell that.”

“Well, C-Sec doesn’t have Krogan sniffers at their checkpoints, so we’re just going to have to go with more conventional methods.”

“Again with your rules,” Grunt said gruffly and then looking at Abby he asked, “Is Shepard going to help you with your Rite of Passage?”

Abby snorted. “You could say that.”

Grunt turned to Jane. “What does your rite entail?” He hunched forward and punched his two fists together. “Will you require a krantt?”

“Relax, Grunt. There won’t be any varren, klixen or thresher maws involved in this one.”

“Not for my first time, anyway,” Abby teased.

Grunt turned to her again and once again inhaled heavily. “Your first time,” he said sagely. “You have not accepted a breeding contract. Tank breds are lucky. We don’t have to wait years to perform that rite.”

“Here’s hoping, big guy,” Abby replied happily.

Grunt sniffed again and made a strange, low noise. A few of the krogans nearby grunted and became restless. He took a step toward the clone. “Do you require my assistance in passing your rite?”

“Uh, no,” Abby replied, taking a step back. “That’d be a little weird.”

“Yes, I see,” Grunt said, straightening up and backing off a bit. “Because we are like siblings.”

“Yeah, that’s why it’d be weird.”

“Enough, both of you,” Jane interjected, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. “I can’t take anymore of this day. Grunt, you get your friends out of here and clean this place up. Call a service if you have to.”

“Definitely call a service,” Liara added.

“Definitely call a service,” Jane corrected. “And you, Abby, stay here with your…brother and make sure he gets it right.”

After she was finished speaking, Jane turned around, grabbed Liara’s hand and headed towards the apartment door.

“Where’re you going?” Abby asked.

“Out,” Jane replied over her shoulder and then added, “And please, try not to lose your virginity while I’m gone.


	16. Chapter 16

“Where _are_ we going?” Liara asked as she and Shepard headed toward the lifts.

“Anywhere but here,” Shepard grumbled and when she spun inside of the elevator Liara watched silently as Jane mashed the selected buttons with a vengeance. After the doors of the lift finally slid closed, Shepard sunk back bonelessly and thumped her head back against the wall. “I need a drink,” she moaned. “Let’s go to some seedy dive and drink ryncol,” she suggested. “Or,” she lifted her head and looked towards Liara, “to one of those hourly rate motels with a stocked mini bar.”

Liara folded her arms against her chest looking unamused.

Shepard angled closer, turned toward Liara and took a step towards her. Leaning in a little, she brushed her lips against the shell of Liara’s ear causing the Asari to shudder. Without missing a beat Jane reached out behind her and pressed the emergency stop button on the lift.

“Shepard,” Liara whispered in a tone of warning.

Unperturbed, Jane took her hand and ran it along the hem of Liara’s blouse, gently pushing the fabric out of the way and exposing blue skin. The pads of her fingertips skidded across the hot skin of Liara’s waist. Asari skin was different than human skin, more thick feeling like soft, supple, pebbled leather. Jane groaned and ran her tongue along Liara’s neck. 

“There are security cameras everywhere,” Liara said over a moan while leaning her head to one side, granting Jane full access to nibble at her neck.

“I don’t care,” Jane whispered, pressing her body against Liara’s more intimately to emphasize her point.

“I thought you were trying to protect your reputation not augment it.”

“To hell with my reputation,” Shepard replied quickly, “if anyone’s going to defile my uniform, I just want to make sure that it’s me whose doing it.”

“What about Abby?”

“She can get her own Asari.”

“Not what I meant,” Liara replied as she began to wriggle in an attempt to extricate herself from beneath Jane.

The pressure of Jane’s body against Liara’s became more insistent and in attempt to silence the discussion, she pressed her mouth against Liara’s and kissed her. Her hand crept up the curve of Liara’s waist and brushed the underside of her breast. Liara’s tense muscles relaxed and her body arched into the touch. Jane smiled triumphantly in response.

“You’re not playing fair, Jane Shepard,” Liara chided.

Jane kissed Liara’s neck. “If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying, T’Soni.”

It all happened very quickly. There was only a fraction of a second of warning. A tingling sensation zipped up Jane’s spine just before Liara charged up her biotics and swung the couple around with dizzying ease so that Jane was against the lift wall with Liara pressed up against her. “You’re right,” the Asari replied with a grin.

Jane arched an eyebrow and shot Liara a devilish look. “You’re only hurting yourself here,” she said and tilted her hips forward provocatively. “You know it turns me on when you play rough.”

“I’m not _playing_ anything,” Liara replied, instantly sobered as she leaned to the side and pressed the button for the lift. The car began to move and Shepard stomped her foot on the ground in childlike frustration. “Stop pouting,” Liara ordered, stepping away from Jane and fixing her shirt. “I know _you_ and so I know that Abby isn’t going to sit in that apartment and patiently wait for us to return. We need to find Jack and quick if you’re serious about not sending her out on the Citadel alone to…to…”

“To do what I obviously cannot,” Jane finished, still clearly pouting.

“You have,” Liara replied calmly, looking sweetly at Jane and cupping her hand against her cheek. “Very often and highly astutely. And you will again, if I have anything to say about it. Just not now.”

“I’m tired, Liara,” Jane replied seriously. “I’m tired of trying to save the universe when no one wants to listen. I’m tired of playing mom to my entire crew. I’m tired of putting everyone else’s needs above my own.”

Upon seeing the change in Jane’s mood, Liara stepped back closer to her, rubbing her thumb against the soft, white skin of her cheek.

“I’m tired,” Jane said again. “I just want…”

Liara moved her thumb across Jane’s lips. “You’ll get what you want. I’m going to make sure of that.”

“Just not now,” Jane said with defeat in her voice.

The lift door chimed right before it opened and Liara pulled her hand away and stepped backward. “Just not now,” she repeated with a smile full of empathy.


	17. Chapter 17

Abby Shepard walked along the streets of the Citadel. She had only lasted a few minutes in the Krogan-filled apartment before she had to leave. Not quite sure what she wanted to do or where she wanted to go, she was simply enjoying feeling overwhelmed by the enormity of it all and drinking in the sensory input as if it were oxygen. Her artificial creation and programming had included knowledge of the Citadel and she had even spent some time here while working with Maya Brooks (and later when fighting Jane and her crew). But her acquired knowledge did not do the reality justice and in her previous experiences here, she had been a different person – had been in a completely different frame of mind.

When she had looked upon the Citadel with the eyes of Jane Shepard’s clone, it had been like passing an exam that she had studied for all of her brief life. Maya watching her with calculating eyes and reprimanding and reminding her at every turn if Abby even once allowed that part of her that had never experienced the sights, sounds and smells outside of a sterile laboratory to peak her wondrous eyes through. She had been cold and determined, single-mindedly focused on taking back ‘her’ life. But that life would never be hers, she figured that out fairly quickly and ever since then she had spent her time and energy in trying to make her own way, her own life and the air smelled better, the chatter of conversations sounded sweeter and everything looked different through this new point of view.

Although not headed anywhere in particular, Abby had been walking at her usual brisk pace when a flashing neon sign caught her eye and she stopped. She stood outside of the storefront for a long while and read the advertisement more than a few times over. A decision finally made, Abby grabbed the door handle, opened the door and walked inside.

XXX-OOOO-XXX

“I don’t get paid enough for this shit.”

“C’mon, Jack,” Shepard pleaded, pushing another blue-tinted drink in the biotic’s direction. “You always said you wanted to take me out and get me wasted, here’s your chance.”

“That’s because I was trying to get into _your_ pants, not some Cerberus science project’s,” Jack scoffed and then downed the proffered drink.

Shepard exchanged a knowing glance with Liara.

“We’re not asking you to sleep with her,” Liara responded.

“Yeah, just keep her out of trouble,” Jane added. “And make sure, oh let’s say, that Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani and the like don’t get videos of her…experience.”

“Stealth ain’t exactly my thing, Shepard,” Jack said crisply and then sat back in her chair and crossed her arms. Her deep brown eyes scanned lazily back and forth between the pair sitting across from her until finally landing on Jane’s. “Why aren’t you asking your blue girlfriend to take care of this? I mean sex is about all the Asari are good at, iddin’ it?”

Jane was used to Jack’s biting wit and was very astute at deflecting or ignoring most of it. But she couldn’t help bridling just a little bit at the offhanded comment. She was protective of Liara to a fault and Jack knew this of course, which was why she had made the comment in the first place. So to react, even slightly was to let Jack win. But to let it go, also granted a small victory of sorts. Jane gritted her teeth. After not having Jack on her crew for all this time, she had almost forgotten how taxing it could be to deal with the mercurial convict. 

Liara quickly, but gently, placed her hand on Shepard’s forearm forestalling any further thoughts of retaliation. 

Jack’s penetrating gaze watching them both intently had missed none of it. 

“Is there a reason you’re trying to provoke us?” Liara finally asked.

“Relax,” Jack said, laughing and leaning forward while waving her hand for another drink. “I’m just fucking with you. I mean, how often do I get the great Commander Shepard at my mercy? I’d have to remove a few of these tattoos if I didn’t take advantage of it just a little bit.”

The waitress delivered another drink. 

“Does that mean you’ll do it?” Jane asked.

Jack looked back and forth between the two of them again. She took a sip of her drink and looked off into the distance for a long moment. “You two are just so fucking cute, it makes me want to puke,” she finally said, placing her drink back down and running her hands over the tops of her thighs.

“Who is he?” Liara whispered. “Or she?”

“Don’t go fucking around in my head, blue,” Jack said easily without any of her usual gruffness. “This ride’s closed.”

Jane glanced at Liara and then narrowed her eyes at her friend. “What’s wrong, Jack?” 

Jack finished the drink she had in her hand. “Haven’t you heard?” She quipped. “Everybody’s gonna die.” Jack placed the empty glass down. “So let’s go get your Cerberus bitch clone laid before it’s too late.”

“ _Jack_ ,” Shepard replied.

“Drop it, Shepard,” Jack said. “I’m a big girl. You don’t need to fix me. But I _am_ going to need credits.” She dropped back into her chair and folded her arms. “Lots and lots of credits.”

“Alcohol is cheap,” Jane said.

“But anonymity ain’t.”

Jane stood and placed a few credit chits on the table. “That should be more than enough.”

Jack picked up the chits and idly played with them, flipping them through her fingers and absently tapping them against the table. Jane watched her closely, wondering at the continuing changes she was witnessing in the jaded biotic. “I hope your clone is a lot less lame than you are, Shepard.” Jack finally replied.

Liara was still seated and she reached across the table so that her hand was close to Jack’s but not quite touching it. “You know if you need anything…”

Jack and Liara had never been close but they had tolerated each other in a communal companionship with Jane at its center. If she thought about it, many of her crew operated that way. 

Jane watched as Jack didn’t reply straight away and, most interestingly, didn’t shrink away from even the threatening touch of Liara’s hand.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Jack finally said before standing up. She once again looked back and forth between the couple and added, “Sometimes it’s the only thing that I know.”

Jane’s first instinct was to ask Jack to join her on the _Normandy_. There, in that safe place where she could take care of everyone and everything was in her control. But she knew that she couldn’t. Not only was Jack wholeheartedly dedicated to her young pupils, they were doing important work for the Alliance and every single boot on the ground counted for the final battle. She felt awful. It was the same bittersweet knot that she got in her stomach when she had to turn Dr. Chakwas away.

“You sure about this, Jack?” Shepard asked instead. “Because-”

“I’m sure,” Jack interrupted. “And quit fucking asking before I change my mind.”

XXX-OOOO-XXX

“What do you think?”

Abby took the mirror offered to her and held it in her hands. She tilted it and moved it to the side while the woman spun her chair around to give her a better view. Abby’s hair, now short and choppy in a pixie-cut, was the color of a sandy beach and her eyebrows were lightened and shaped into nice arches and clean lines. She looked different. And it was a wonderful thing.

“I like it,” she replied as she smiled, handed the mirror back and paid the attendant for her services. 

As she walked out the building, she ran her fingers through her hair and spun around, the novelty of the dramatic change in her physical appearance putting a definite spring to her step. She looked back at the sign and the advertisement that had drawn her to the place and read it again.

The name of the salon was “Transformations” and the advertisement read: ‘A whole new you is waiting inside!’

Abby smiled, seeing the reflection of herself in the glass of the storefront and for the first time seeing Abby Shepard and not Jane. She turned on her heel and headed back for the apartment. As she weaved through the maze of people, smiling and nodding and exchanging pleasantries, she felt for the first time that they were seeing her and she liked it. She liked it very much. 


	18. Chapter 18

Abby sat back in her barstool and took a sip of her drink. They were at Maximum Security, a club on the Citadel that was where Chora’s Den used to be. It was a local hangout. Popular amongst off-duty C-Sec officers and military types. Jack had taken her here, claiming that it was better than Purgatory or Flux for their current ‘mission’. But Abby got the feeling that Jack had her own agenda for choosing a bar where military types tended to hangout.

“His name’s Trick,” Jack whispered, leaning over to Abby close enough so that she could smell the alcohol on the biotic’s breath. Whatever she was drinking it reminded Abby of jet fuel. “Short for Deatrick. That's his last name.”

Jack was sitting on her left, while Garrus and a couple of his old C-Sec buddies that he introduced as: Ridgefield and Lamont, were sitting to her right. Across the way, at one of the side tables, Grunt and James Vega were having arm wrestling competitions with half the occupants of the club of which included Deatrick, the object of Jack’s musings all night thus far.

“So, why don’t you go and talk to him,” Abby whispered back.

“Pffft,” Jack answered, shaking her head and looking at Abby as if she had just suggested that Jack put on a tutu and perform a plié.

Abby shook her head, studying the human male in question. He stood on the fringes of the ruckus that was Grunt and Vega sipping on a beer and talking to a fellow marine. He was of average height, had a full head of dark, wavy hair with a nice open and friendly face that smiled quite a bit as he spoke. “He looks nice enough,” Abby said, shrugging her shoulders. In truth, he looked as though Jack could chew him up and spit him out for breakfast, but there was no accounting for taste and, if the saying was true, opposites did attract. 

“Pffft,” Jack replied again. “He’s a fucking boy scout, Even more so than Shepard - if you can believe that. But he…,” she stopped and squirmed in her seat a little. “He looks at me like, I don’t know. Fuck this shit.”

“What?” Abby asked, intrigued by anything that might make Jack squirm in her seat and…was she blushing?

“You know,” Jack replied, eyeing up Abby as if she were just daring her to comment on her uncharacteristic display. “I’m supposed to be the one helping you here.”

“We’ll get to that,” Abby said, waving at the bartender for another drink. If she were honest, actually sitting in a bar full of potential…virginity breakers, was more disconcerting that she had imagined. Was this really something that she could see herself taking so lightly? Getting naked with…she scanned the room, from the female bartender to Grunt, Vega, Ridgefield, Lamont and then finally ending at Garrus who just happened to be looking at her. It was her turn to blush as she quickly turned away. “Besides,” she said to Jack. “I was only halfway serious. I can’t believe Jane got so worked up about it.”

Jack made a derisive noise and rolled her eyes. “Then you don’t know Commander - the Girl Scout, fucking Shepard - for dick.”

“Literally,” Abby quipped and the pair laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” Ridgefield asked. Abby turned to look at him. He was a tall human with sandy blonde hair that Garrus had introduced as one of the first humans in C-Sec and a ‘helluva shot’. He was standing directly to the right of Abby, opposite of Jack and next to him was Garrus and Lamont. Lamont was a Turian, similar to Garrus in height yet darker in color and the markings on his face where more splatters than the defined lines she was used to on Garrus.

Jack leaned over Abby. “This one,” she said, hitching her thumb in the direction of Abby’s face, “is looking for a dick to lose her virginity with. Any of you fuckterds got one of them in your pants that she can shamelessly borrow for a night?”

“ _Jack!_ ” Abby said, coughing a bit as she did so. In her short life Abby had not had the pleasure to experience all the emotions and sensations that her vocabulary told her existed in humankind. ‘Having the blood rush from one’s face’ and ‘feeling as if one wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground and die’ weren’t on the top of her list of things she was looking forward to experiencing. _Thanks for that, Jack._

“ _What?_ ” Jack answered, all innocence and astonishment. “Isn’t that why we’re here? We’re all friends here, right? You can tell ‘em.”

Abby glared at her. It was a fine time for Jack to become a patron of truth and honesty. 

Beside her she could feel Ridgefield take a tentative step away from where he had be occupying the space right next to her right shoulder. “Uh, well, I’m a married man,” he said. “Garrus? Lamont?”

Abby turned her head to look at the trio of men standing beside her. With Ridgefield retreating from his spot beside her she had a clear view to where Garrus and Lamont stood. Lamont, she did not know, so the best she could describe his expression was…calculating. It was exactly the way Garrus would look when he would be contemplating some new formula and deciding whether or not it could potentially blow the _Normandy_ up should he try it. She shrugged, sizing up that reaction as pretty fair, considering. 

But when she looked at Garrus, the look she saw on his face broke something inside of her more than just a little bit. He looked downright mortified. His expression, she ventured, looked very similar to what she would expect if he was actually watching the _Normandy_ blow up with every single person he ever knew and loved inside of it.

“Relax,” Abby said, trying to sound casual. “Jack’s just trying to yank your chains.” 

“No, you’re just trying to yank-” 

Abby elbowed Jack in the ribs and shot her a glare that could melt the tattoos off her chest. 

“Damn, Garrus," Lamont teased. "When you told me your new Commander was something else, you weren’t kidding, buddy.”

“That’s not,” Garrus replied, his subharmonics flanging unpleasantly. “She’s not Commander Shepard.”

 _No fucking shit_ , Abby thought while her chest crushed inside of itself. 

Garrus and his friends mumbled an excuse about seeing someone else on the other side of the bar and Abby watched as they walked away from her. She felt Jack push her shoulder into her playfully. “Guess that could’ve went better, huh?”

Abby looked down at the drink in front of her. Before, she had felt mildly embarrassed by Jack’s insolence, but now she felt wholly humiliated and callously reminded of how she would always just be a 'cheap imitation of the real thing'. And no hair dye, makeup or outfit would ever change that. She just wanted to run out of the bar and disappear forever and she was so mad at Jack that it hurt. Thoughts of throwing her drink into the biotic’s tattoed face and telling her off before storming out of the bar flitted across her mind. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Jack hadn’t done anything but say the truth plain and simple and neither had Garrus. If she had a problem with the truth, then it was her problem, not theirs.

“Hey, Jack.”

Abby looked up to where Garrus and his friends had been. Standing there now was Deatrick with a few of the guys that he had been talking to across the bar. 

“What’s up, Trick?” Jack said. “This is Abby.”

“Nice to meet you,” Trick replied and introduced his friends. Abby recognized the look of scrutiny on his face before he said, “You look familiar.”

She wanted to die. This night couldn’t get any worse if she tried. “I get that a lot,” she said, trying to sound unaffected.

“She’s on a few wanted alerts,” Jack supplied. “You’ve probably seen her on the newsvids. She’s a psychopath. Killed her children and ate their dog.”

“Okaaay,” Trick replied, looking highly skeptical.

Abby decided to try and salvage something of the evening so she said, “I’m a relative of Commander Shepard. Some people say we look alike.”

Trick snapped his fingers and said, “That’s it.” And his friends all nodded in agreement. “Damn, I’ve never seen her up close, but you do look just like her.”

“I know what Shepard looks like,” Jack said, sounding annoyed. “And I could spot the differences from a fucking mile away.”

Abby looked over to Jack who was looking down at her own drink. _Maybe I’m not the only one tired of being in Shepard’s shadow._

“That’s right,” Trick said to his friends. “Jack served with Shepard while she took down the Collectors.”

Abby was no expert on human men by any means, hence the mopey, inappropriate chaperone that she ended up straddled with for the night, but she thought that she could definitely detect interest in Jack from Trick. He looked at her as if she were a wild varren, sure, but a wild varren that he wanted to scratch behind the ears and rub its belly if he could only be sure that it wouldn’t bite his head off.

“What she like?” One of Trick’s friends asked, all curiosity and awe in his voice.

“Come over here and I’ll tell ya,” Jack said derisively. Yet, the clueless marine hadn't picked up on Jack's tone and he dumbly waltzed over to sit on the other side of her.

“So, you met Jack through Commander Shepard?” Trick asked Abby.

“Yeah, I’m serving on her crew now.”

“That’s impressive,” he said. “The Reapers, they’re like…”

“Yeah,” Abby agreed and took a sip of her drink. She could hear Jack talking to the other marine saying shit about Shepard that was typical Jack and wildly untrue.

“So,” Trick asked, lowering his voice and leaning closer to Abby. “How long have you known Jack?”

Abby paused. In her memory she had known Jack since she was defrosted in Purgatory but in reality she had only known Jack these past few hours. She settled on something a little more ambiguous than the actual truth. “Oh, for a little while now.”

Trick took the seat next to her and ordered a round of drinks. “We work together,” he said.

“Yeah, she might’ve mentioned that.”

“She’s good, you know?” He said. “With those kids. They help us out a lot holding the line.”

“Yeah,” Abby replied. Maybe it was her lot in life to wallow in the shadows of great women. If it wasn’t Shepard, it appeared that it would be Jack. She looked at Trick who was looking at Jack, a pained expression on his face. There was no doubt in Abby’s mind now that this guy was over the moon for her clueless chaperone.

“Hey, Jack-,” Abby turned to her friend to try and get from between the two of them but was shocked to see Jack in a lip lock with Trick’s friend. “ _Jack!_ ” 

“Fuck off, Shepard,” Jack mumbled and then said something about Abby being on her own.

Abby turned back toward the bar and then ventured a glance toward Trick. He wasn't looking at Jack any longer and he seemed to be trying to pretend that what he had seen didn’t surprise or bother him. “So, anyway,” Abby said, shrugging her shoulders and lifting her recently delivered drink.

“Yeah,” Trick said, somewhat dejected. “So, anyway.”

And the pair clinked their drinks together and downed them in one gulp.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some mention of drunken sex here. Quick contemplation of whether it could've been non-consensual.

Abby woke up with a pounding headache and an overall sense of shittiness. She swallowed hard and fought back a wave of nausea as she ventured a one-eyed look at her surroundings. She was in a large bed. White sheets and a thick comforter were the only things covering her otherwise naked body. Next to her was a snoring human. A male. She shut her eyes. _Please don’t be Trick. Please don’t be Trick._ She pleaded and prayed but the curly dark hair had been more than enough of an answer. 

Rolling to her back she draped an arm over her face covering her eyes. She had to swallow a few times as bile rose in her throat and the room spun. More pleading and prayers followed, this time to any god that would listen and that would make her headache go away and the urge to vomit subside. No gods seemed to be tuned to her frequency, though and she muscled through it in silence as she tried to remember what had happened.

Had she lost her virginity? That was the first question that had popped into her mind. She thought that she had and she felt a wave of anger and accusation wash over her. Had Trick taken advantage of her inebriated state? It didn’t seem like something he would do. She blew out a long breath. As much as it hurt she exercised her aching head and tried to piece together the rest of the evening starting off with the last thing that she remembered.

After their glasses clinked together in a toast of ‘So, anyways’, Trick had ordered some shots. It had been the shots that had been the death of her. Everything after those first few rounds became a hazy, thumping blur. Jack must’ve left with that other marine because she could recall a fairly empty barroom with she and Trick left sitting next to each other and commiserating. Things had gotten very handsy between them. She swallowed, correcting herself and admitting that _she_ had gotten very handsy.

How they got to wherever they were was a hazy blur. There had been a lot of kissing and dirty talking. Again, mostly on her part although Trick was actively participating and reciprocating in kind. She could recall a lot of laughter as they tried to undress each other and then he had done…things with his mouth. She blushed at the memory only then recalling that she had done things with her mouth in return. Abby groaned and turned over onto her side.

She did… _remember_ what happened after that. There hadn’t been any pain, not that she probably would’ve felt it anyway. She thought that she had enjoyed it and that Trick had, too. Everything else was very fuzzy. There mustn’t have been much cuddling or talk once they were done because the next thing that she remembered was waking up. 

So, it was done. She had lost her virginity. But what a wreck she had made of things. Jack was liable to kill her. She groaned again, moving to sit up. What a horrible friend she was turning out to be. This human stuff was proving to be more complicated than she had thought. 

“Fuck,” she whispered to herself, rubbing her head and breathing through another wave of nausea. Sitting up had not been the best of ideas, but she had to get moving. She didn’t even know where she was, what time it was or who might be walking in to find her. _Just don’t let it be Jack_ , she prayed. _Anyone but Jack_. 

“Hey.”

She heard Trick’s raspy voice and felt the bed move as he rolled up behind her.

“You okay?” he asked. His voice was soft and kind and she felt even more like shit than before.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” she replied gruffly and then stood. She couldn’t stand to feel the heat of his body against her naked backside. 

The hunt for her clothing was easy enough. The apartment was small and everything she had been wearing was strewn in between the door and the bed in a haphazard but seemingly systematic fashion. Bending over to scoop each item up was another matter entirely. Each time she bent down she risked losing whatever it was that she had churning up an acidic sloshfest inside her stomach. 

Trick followed behind her. His moans and groans indicating that he was not in any better shape than she was.

Trying to bend over and dress modestly, deciding which intimate parts of her body she wanted to cover first, was a task her brain protested against with great discomfort. It was a little late for modesty anyway, she decided. But finally the deed was done and she was dressed.

“Are we gonna…talk about it?” Trick asked, while he tucked in his shirt.

“I’d rather not,” Abby replied curtly but upon seeing the look on his face she thought better of it and added, “Look, I…had a good time last night. I mean, it wasn’t what I had planned but…I enjoyed it. No hard feelings are anything like that okay?”

He looked visibly relieved. “Okay, good.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I had a good time, too.”

If she had to choose a photo to place in the dictionary next to lost or pathetic she could’ve taken a holo of Trick right then and been done with it. Was he upset that she wasn’t all love and gushing over him? Or did he regret it like she did and was thinking of Jack? There was only one way to find out.

“Look, Trick,” she started. It hurt to talk. It hurt to think. But she trudged along anyway trying to find the right words to say. She went for the direct route. “I think you should tell Jack how you feel.”

“Um, what?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You like her and I know that she likes you.”

“Yeah, right. She’s just so...”

“She’s not as big of a hardass as she pretends. Actually she’s pretty mushy inside once you get to know her.”

Trick looked skeptical but he said, “I don’t know what to say to her.”

“Why don’t you try the truth?”

He shook his head. “You make that sound so easy.”

Abby didn’t understand humans. She knew technically that she was one, or at least wanted to become one, but did that mean that she would end up like this? Afraid to speak her mind? Playing games instead of just playing it straight. But then she thought back to the night before and how she had handled everything. Maybe she was more human than she thought.

“I should get going,” she finally said. There was only so much talk and advice that she had in her and Trick needed to decide on his own what he was going to do.

“Okay, yeah. I’m right behind you.”

“Thanks for everything,” Abby said. Was that the proper thing to do? Thank someone for taking your virginity? She didn’t know. “I really did…have a good time.”

“Hey, yeah. Me, too,” he replied, looking thoughtful. “Do you…uh. Should we tell Jack about this?”

“Absolutely and no way in hell, not,” Abby replied quickly. “This should just stay between us. Right here in this room. Like it never happened.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said. “That’s what I was thinking.”


End file.
